...I've been trained to make beats that would make a billy goat puke.


And the "Starting More Blogs Than He Can Possibly Keep Up With" Award goes tooooooooo-

UGH! Sorry I have had nothing to say lately, but I have some exciting news! I wanted to wait until there was a decent amount of material posted, but I figure it's about time I unveil the brand-spanking-new AudibleNinja Audio Blog!
Of course, I love Blogger, but BLOGGER BLOWS AT AUDIO FILES. Tumblr handles them well, and I have a better quota there than at the (vastly superior interface-wise) Soundcloud.

So I hope you'll check it out. I hardly have anything to blog about, but I always have new music to vomit onto the interet!


Get started making music on your PC...NOW.

Nick, a great friend of mine, recently asked me how he should go about getting started making music on his computer. I figured that I get this question enough to warrant an awesome blog post about it, so HERE WE GO!

Step 1 - Find the right DAW (digital audio workstation) for you. There's about a billion of them out there, each with their own awesome features (even ones that have barely any features are fun too!) and it can be intimidating to try to find the right one. Truthfully, this is one of the least important steps in your journey, because most decent DAWs have a huge community to draw knowledge from. A bunch of them cost a CRAPLOAD, so try out a bunch of demos, and if one feels better than the others, play with it some more. Here are some links to sites where you can find some of the more popular DAWs, their price (multiple prices for different packages), and a demo version:

[images taken from product websites - click to enlarge]

FLStudio (Windows Only) - $49/$99/$199
I won't lie, I am extremely partial to FLStudio, and it's probably because I've been using it for about a decade now. It's easy to learn and it has just as many features as some of the more expensive DAWs. The soundset that it comes packaged with it is notoriously crappy, but most my favorite sounds have come from other sources like Sample Packs (samples are tiny [usually] clips of audio that you can magle, deconstruct, layer and sequence to make new sounds) downloaded from the internet or VST's (more on them later). Another GREAT thing about FLStudio is that if you purchase it online, you get LIFETIME UPDATES. I bought a copy of version 6, and I am currently enjoying 9 right now. Also cool - if you purchase from the link provided, you will get 10% off, and I will get 20% commission. How neato is that?
Download a Demo of FLStudio | Purchase FLStudio


Ableton Live (Windows/Mac) - $99/$499/$699
Ableton Live is a great tool that was coded for cross-platform performance, and has become well known for its ability to be used as a live music workhorse, from looping and pseudo-DJing to
improv electronic music, but it works great as a studio DAW as well. If you plan on making loop-based electronic music, you should definitely check this out, and if you're not, then download the demo anyway, because the workflow is interesting and it may fit you like a glove!


Cubase (Windows/Mac) - $149/$299/$499

Cubase has been around for a while. Made by Steinberg (invented VST's - I swear, more on those later), Cubase is an extremely well rounded DAW that is used by professionals around the world. I don't want to say that it is better quality-wise than the others, but I will say that if you decide to go this route, it won't hurt in the long run, because you will be comfortable in other traditional vertical sequencing and tracking environments that are used in professional studios worldwide.
(No Demo Available)* | Click to see distributor list and find retailers
*I have heard that many retailers will have a demo CD of Cubase, but I've never checked!


Reason (Windows/Mac) - $499
Reason is a great all-in-one package. This is, however, its biggest flaw - that's all there is. There's no support for VST's (I SWEAR IT'S COMING) and that's a HUGE flaw. That being said, there are a bajillion Reason users that don't mind. Reason's sound quality is great, and it's set up for more hands-on musicians, giving the user a virtual Rack to set up their virtual studio environment. I haven't used it that much, but I know plenty of people that swear by it. Oh, and that huge flaw with the no VST support is easily bypassed with Reason's Rewiring capabilities, which allows you to use another DAW (with VST support hopefully) in tandem with Reason.

Renoise (Windows/Mac/Linux!) - $75
Last -but certainly not least- on the list is Renoise. Renoise is a Vertical Tracker, and the thing about vertical trackers is that some people love 'em and the rest of the world hates them. I happen to love them, but my relationship with them was definitely one that I had to grow into. There are also about ten billion free trackers out there, but Renoise is certainly among the best, and, if you're comfortable with the interface, well worth the $75 price tag. Renoise also has an almost fully-featured Demo version, so check it out!!
Download a Demo of Renoise | Purchase Renoise

In addition to these, here are a bunch of other free DAWs listed at kvraudio.com
Try some out! They're Free!!

Step 2 - Play Around. I know this sounds like a lame step, and you were expecting me to tell you what exactly is the secret to getting your voice to sound like T-Pain or something (not in this article, btw), but just playing around will give you insight to how to mess around inside the program. If you can't figure ANYTHING out (don't worry, these things aren't simple), check out a demo track that most likely came bundled with the software, check out some youtube videos about the software. Play around for a few days with some different software as well, allow yourself to be open to a program that will CLICK with you. I was naturally VERY AWESOME with FLStudio, and understood the basics within 10 minutes, but I still don't know my way around Ableton Live very well, while other people pick it up off the bat.

Step 3 - Join a Community. Once you're confident that you've found a DAW you're comfortable with and would love to know more, find a community (forum) suitable for your needs. I cannot stress enough how much being a part of one when I was first learning electronic music production was a HUGE help. Once you've joined, be polite and read the rules, introduce yourself, and check to see if there's any topics being posted that are relevant to your situation. Usually people new to music production will flood a community with questions that have been asked a hundred times without checking to use the forum's search function. Keep in mind that there are responsibilities involved in joining a community, don't just view it as somewhere to go when you need help. When you begin to learn more, check around for people who need help that you might be able to assist, be active in discussions you enjoy, and try to make some friends. It's a win-win scenario where you can have fun and learn a lot. Here are some forums that I've had the pleasure of dealing with:
  • Serious Sounds - a spiritual continuation of a message board I used to frequent, I know a bunch of people that post here, and they're all awesome, nice and very helpful.
  • IDMForums - this forum is geared towards IDM, and has a very active user base filled with smart folks who are eager to help people who ask nicely.
  • Dogs On Acid (The Grid) - an enormous repository of drum and bass knowledge, filled with both active users who are very smart and non active users who are sometimes not too smart.
In the process of joining a community, it's pretty common for new users to feel like they're being bullied, but in my experience, if you follow these rules, usually they will treat you with respect and courtesy:
  1. Be polite. These places aren't the place to espouse negative comments and opinions.
  2. Follow the Rules. They might seem arbitrary at times, but they are there for a reason.
  3. Search before asking. I cannot tell you how many times I read topics with the title "How do I sound like Kanye?"
  4. If you find yourself in an argument, step back. Take the high ground and apologize, these places function like a real community, and drama will stick with you. If things get worse, you can always report the other user to a Moderator.
  5. Participate. While the users might not mind answering various questions, they also like talking about music, movies and politics (WARNING KEEP RULES 1 AND 4 IN MIND when discussing politics), and would also love for some new users to take up some slack in the 'helping others' department.
Step 4 - Keep Playing Around. At this point, you should be somewhat familiar with your DAW of choice. You may have even been able to make some tunes (good for you!), but the more you play around, the more things will become second nature. Also ask around your community for recommendations for samples and VST's to expand your sonic palette.

Step 4.5 - VST's (TOLD YOU it was coming). VST's (VST = Virtual Studio Technology) are plugins that most DAW's support. They are split into two distinct categories, VST's and VSTi's, the first being used primarily for effects (i.e. reverb, distortion, EQ) and the latter being VSTi(nstruments), used primarily for sound generators (i.e. Software synthesizers, Instrument Emulations, etc.). There are a JILLION of them out there, and there's no easy way to sift through them to the awesome ones. That's why you've joined a community and made lots of friends, so that you can find all the threads they've started about their favorite VST's, you go out there and buy/download them, and then you chat on AIM about all the horrible Presets that came bundled with it that sound like cats dying. Also at this point, you'll probably wonder "Why did I wait until step 4 to get this awesome sounding software?! Will, you are a dick!" Let me tell you this. There are sample packs out there, and software as well, that will make you sound like a total pro and require absolutely no effort on your part. BUT THAT'S NOT FUN. Develop your own style, innovate, do things wrong and make new sounds and make them sound right.

Here is a link to KVRAudio, a site that will be invaluable to you when you're knee deep in a million VST's and you're starting to wonder why they all sound the same, but for some reason that $500 one makes you feel so much better about yourself. Check out the Plug-in database (you can filter by type, free/commercial, etc.), the Forum (great community!) and the wiki (especially the Audio Lexicon)!

Step 4.5.1 - The Great Morality Play of Software. I need to say that at this point in the game, you will probably be faced with a moral dilemma: Software costs money, software is pirated, software is expensive. What does a man do in this situation? I'm not going to preach about how piracy is or isn't a problem, but I will say that if you do decide to pirate software, check out free alternatives, and only download from sources that are verified (i.e. blogs with active users that comment on posts with useful info like "DON'T DOWNLOAD, VIRUS" or "Checked, works great!") because otherwise your computer WILL get AIDS.

Step 5 - (re)Educate Yourself. So by now, you've got a decent handle on your craft. You probably have a good idea of what your niche is, you've developed a style of your own. But after everything you've learned, there's SO MUCH MORE. If you hit a wall, learn a new program. If you feel cramped, learn a new style. If you feel like you've learned all that you need to learn, or you're tired of learning, or you don't know what to go to learn anything new, then it's time for you to INVENT. And in the process, I guarantee you'll learn something new.

This process can take years, so stay positive, remember that having fun is just as much of a good result as a good track, and sometimes bad tracks can be hilarious, so just have a good time.

If you have any questions feel free to ask. I might be able to help.



Grand Theft Auto - Florence

Usually I get so psyched about game sequels. Unlike movies, games have the unique opportunity of upgrading a franchise rather than ruining it. When a studio makes a sequel to a good movie, they run the chance of taking a closed and independent storyline and adding something unnecessary to it. When a studio makes a sequel to a game, they can review the original game, other games of the same genre, and create something new and innovative that makes fans of the original rejoice. Case in point, the Metal Gear franchise. Each new installation feels like a Metal Gear game, and adds so much to the story, the features, the controls, etc. without being apologetic and catering to industry expectations. Kojima and company ran with their vision and created a product so refined that, although it doesn't appeal to everyone, fans of the series are hard pressed to find a better game.
Several years ago, a game called Assassin's Creed was released. It's a stealth-action game that highlights a historically accurate (for videogames) conflict between the mystical Assassin (Hashasheen) clan and the Knight Templars in 1191. It received a decent reception, lacking greatness due to what some people would describe as flaws. Here is a list of the complaints that I saw the most of:
  1. Repetitiveness. People complained that elements of the game were repetitive, such as side-missions and assassinations. I never thought of these as repetitive, because you could approach these things from different angles, and they furthered a very interesting plot.
  2. No upgrades. People complained that throughout the game, the player could never upgrade his skills or weapons. This complaint was the most confusing to me, because you do upgrade your skills and weapons after every assassination. I really don't know where anyone got this impression of never upgrading.
  3. Horrible interaction in "Desmond Mode." People complained a lot about the gameplay when the character takes control of Desmond Miles, a descendant of the assassin that you control for the rest of the game. When I played, it was one of my favorite parts of the game, incorporating oldschool point-and-click adventure gameplay that allows the player to immerse themselves even further into the game's storyline.
Now, I'm guessing that Ubisoft decided to address these points in the new installment of the series, Assassin's Creed 2. It's a normal reaction to criticism, but here's where I COME IN.
The problem I'm having with this new game isn't that it's a bad game. It looks fun, it looks good, the design is great, the new features are well rounded, but to me, it doesn't feel like a spiritual successor to the original game. In Assassin's Creed 2, you play as Ezio, a jerkass rich douchebag kid who ruins Terracotta while gallivanting around town with his douchebag rich friends getting in fights. In the story, Ezio's dad gets imprisoned by mysterious forces, giving Ezio the opportunity to steal his dad's shit and pretend to be awesome. I've watched about 200 hours of gameplay, and I haven't seen any other aspects of the story, so I'm not sure what the rest of the game is about.
I have, however, seen plenty of cooool new features! There's the ability to dye your clothes, buy different weapons, steal money from dead people, upgrade your pad, beat up cheating husbands, hire whores, outrun the fuzz by first evading their line-of-sight and then maneuvering your way out of a circular area displayed on your map- wait.
I think the guys at Ubisoft got mixed up halfway through the game and thought they were supposed to make the next GTA.

Oh well. I still have high hopes for Assassin's Creed 3!

PS: Here are a few other bones that I had fresh for picking.
  • Assassin's Creed: Freerunning abilities cheapened by the guard's abilities to do the same. Assassin's Creed 2: Freerunning abilities have absolutely nothing to do with being an assassin, totally ruined by having the ability solely because you're a rich kid with no respect for other people's property.
  • Lucy Stillman, perfect portrayal of the "cute girl at work/slutty idiot at home" paradox that I've always despised:
  • Assassin's Creed 1 side missions, relevant to story, apparently too repetitive. Assassin's Creed 2 side missions, totally irrelevant, can't continue game until completed, about five billion of them to do, apparently JUST RIGHT.


Track - In the Forest I Found a Bear

Right on the heels of a "OMG ONLY N00BZ USE EMULATION FOR CHIPTUNEZ" post, here's a track I threw together tonight using the awesome VST Chipsounds by Plogue. I don't know where the name came from, I was just listening to it and it was the first thing that came to mind, I swear it's not some tongue-in-cheek ironic-because-it's-obvious names that hip kids like to use, I just imagined an 8-bit RPG style random battle!
Direct Link:
B.Ultra&Basic - In the Forest I Found a Bear


Track - Ceremony

Ceremony  by  B.Ultra&Basic
I've taken a break from my second full length to work on an EP called "God Hand." It's a concept EP based on the world of the popular manga Berserk by Kentaro Miura. I've decided that my strength in producing electronic music has always been in the melody and the breakbeat, so for this project I really want to try to focus more on sound design, and getting an idea across via soundscapes rather than a melody. If you're familiar with either the manga or the anime series, this first track represents the event of the Eclipse, when Griffith reunites with the Egg of the King and initiates the Eclipse Ceremony. Most of the synthesizers in this were created with Native Instrument's Massive VSTi, and eventually, all the patches will be released to the public in a free patch bank.
I hope you enjoy!


Terminator: Eden p5-6

Sheesh, I hate it when this happens.


Terminator: Eden p3-4

A couple of new pages. Do you like how it looks like every page was drawn by a different third-grader? I know, I win at consistency. WARNING: John Connor wiener. Sorry, the story dictates it.

Mobile Apps - Neat, but Appropriate?

As I peruse through hundreds of articles in my RSS feed aggregator (good job not checking for a month, Will), the gadget blogs keep catching my eye with posts like "Now anyone can be T-Pain" or "New synthesizer app for iPhone." I always think "Hey awesome" and then dismiss it, because like anyone who spends there money wisely (I'm not saying I'm one of them, but we share certain traits) I do not own an iPhone.
Then I read an article about 8bitone, a new iPhone app that lets you synthesize and sequence 8bit sounds. Of course, all the articles I've read about it share similar cheezeball titles like "8Bitone lets you mix it like Mario!" and these generally irk me. I'm not saying that there's any lack of novelty to chiptune, it's extremely nostalgic and uplifting for me, but to see it popularized in such trivial ways leaves a stale taste in my mouth. Awesome, now millions of hipsters will be making crappy 8bit tracks and remixes of lame acoustic punk songs about riding tallbikes. You know, when I think about scene music, I don't think about tight pants, flannel and vintage tees, I think about DEMOSCENE.
Don't get me wrong, I applaud the author of the app, and if I had an iPhone, I'd most likely grab it, but if I wanted to make a 4 channel chiptune on the go, I wouldn't pick up my phone, but one of several gameboys I have lying around.
These mobile apps are real neat-o, and it's cool to see people making them, I even have a few on my android phone, but at the end of the day they all seem to be just plain obsolete by software that has been around for ages.
Sorry about the rant, but mobile technology has a lot to offer, and it's sad to go into the android app market and see dozens of crappy Jeff Dunham soundboards on the list of popular apps. If developers follow trends, maybe 200 years from now we'll be living on the same dirty planet paying $5 for a virtual Cartman farting soundboard and an updated T-Pain app...WEEEEE


I'm sorry.

I really can't help myself.

Here are some fun facts about Kyle Reese!
  • Michael Biehn plays Kyle Reese in Terminator 1 and 2, but originally tried out and was considered for the part of the Terminator. Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger was considered first for the role of Kyle Reese.
  • Michael Biehn was also originally dumped for the role, because he had a slight southern accent. The producers didn't want the character to be regionalized, which is interesting considering the consideration of Arnold for the part
  • Kyle Reese wasn't the original John Connor's father!
Okay that's it, I promise. Maybe.


I hope you're taking all of this in...SKYNET! (google)

Let's try to keep this Terminator ball rolling! So there's a lot of talk on the internets about how HORRIBLE Terminator Salvation was, and while I will admit that it probably wasn't the most well written installment of the saga, and maybe the acting isn't quite the best of 2009, there are plenty of reasons why it's not as bad as people make it out to be, and here are 10 of them.
  1. Gritty Visuals - While it doesn't conjure up quite the bleak future a lot of us expected, visually this movie is gritty as hell, and gritty means badass.
  2. Amazing sound design - I don't care if a script is written in piglatin, great sound effects can carry a film a far way, and in this case it makes me squirm with delight. Every electronic buzz, every robot groan (similar to the only reason anyone should watch War of the Worlds...robots making noises that sound like some kind of enormous electronic cello), every DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN gets the job done.
  3. Iconic Scenes - Everyone focuses on the CGI Arnold, which I thought was extremely well done, but my favorite part is that in every other Terminator movie, the terrifying future scenes all begin with some robot crushing a human skull under foot (or tread), but in Salvation, the first glimpse of the future begins with a Resistance Helicopter landing on a T-600's FACE. Take that, Skynet.
  4. New Terminator Vision - Check it:
  5. John Connor - Face it, everyone loves Christian Bale, no matter how hard he hits his mother, and he does a great job portraying John Connor, who at this point is a soldier and a figurehead and not (yet) the leader of the Resistance. He's overconfident due to his mother's tapes that tell him all about the future and how to deal with it, and he's beginning to lose it because a lot of what was SUPPOSED to happen is happening differently, more quickly, or not at all (the result of messing around with time, folks). It's also interesting that (even though he does look like a hardass military dude) his character remains true to the series in that he fights like a hacker- for instance, in one scene, he rapes a Mototerminator (motorcycle) and hacks it so he can ride it to Skynet HQ and beat some metal ass.
  6. Kyle Reese - It's always cute to see Kyle Reese as a kid (esp. in The Sarah Connor Chronicles), but in this movie, he eerily reminded me both of Kyle Reese from The Terminator and John Connor from Terminator 2.
  7. Skynet gets crafty - In the past Skynet just throws robots around through time and hopes they just blow up whatever it wants blown up. In Salvation, Skynet plays a mean game of chess, toying with humanity, baiting us, experimenting with us. It's definitely a more sinister and manipulative Skynet, no doubt because of the thriftiness of a forewarned Resistance.
  8. In the future, even Alice in Chains is cool - There's a scene where a kid hears Alice in Chains for the first time, and it may be the first time she's heard music at all (with good reason, Terminators are very sensitive to sound), and you realize how easy you have it, being able to listen to your iPods and your streaming music and video.
  9. Different viewpoints - The war against Skynet isn't just people shooting at robots. There are pro-Resistance folks, anti-Resistance folks, Raiders, and much more. This movie finally paints a picture of a dynamic future, perhaps more bleak than originally because (as zombie movies have taught us) instead of just having to worry about a giant metal skeleton shooting lasers at you, you also have HUNDREDS OF JERKS.
  10. The aforementioned Mototerminators - In earlier installments of Terminator, you pretty much figure "Hey who even cares about Terminators? The only go like 1 mile an hour!" And then Arnold got on a Honda 750. Holy crap. What do I do now? Terminator + Motorcycle = INSTANT TERROR.* This has been established since day one. In Salvation, not only are there robocycles all over the place, but now they're MADE BY FREAKING DUCATI. Sorry humans, 'You have no chance to survive, make your time.'
AH HOLY CRAP TERMINATOR. I'll try to shut up about it, but don't count on it.

*It's also well known that- Even the Most Badass Human + Scooter = Pathetic:


Terminator: Eden p1-2

I was feeling in a comicbook mood today (getting hyped about two upcoming events) so I sketched out a few pages of a story I've been meaning to get to!
It was after I sketched these pages out that my mom texted me and told me that 25 years ago today the world celebrated the premier of Terminator!

To spoil things a little bit, in my story, John Connor is getting ready to travel in time to prevent Skynet from doing something terribly awful and rude, when some T-800 model Terminators storm the facility and sabotage John's plans. As John locks himself into the time machine room, a T-800 messes with the console. ZZZAAPPP!!! John uncurls from his time travel pose, and finds that he has traveled THOUSANDS OF YEARS, and is in the middle of a lush paradise, with no civilization apparent!


This is how Skynet will DESTROY US.



Track - Terminator 2 (Oldschool Atmospheric Jungle Glowstick Mix)

I made this track after watching Terminator 4 about 5 times and getting too psyched up about Terminators. It's pretty repetitive because I just wanted to finish it pretty quick, but it has some epic parts as well. All the synths are made using NI Massive, which is an amazing synthesizer that I am totally getting sick of due to the insane load I've been putting on it recently.
Over 9,000 points to whoever can tell me where the sound effects came from!
Direct Download:
B.Ultra&Basic - Terminator 2 (Oldschool Atmospheric Jungle Glowstick Mix)

[EDIT] Just saw today's xkcd comic:


Track - Shazam (B.Ultra&Basic Remix)

I've decided to start putting some tunes (and maybe some podcast jank) up on this thing, considering the NAME and TITLE of my blog.
Here's a track I made recently to test out a set of Drum Samples I compiled for funky tracks. It's a remix of a Beastie Boys track from "To the 5 Boroughs."
I used FLStudio's FPC to control the drums, and Native Instrument's B4 for the organ. At the end, there's a bit of tomfoolery with the vocals, done using FLStudio's Grossbeat and Instajungle.
I hope you enjoy!
BTW - you may need to subscribe VIA RSS feed to hear the track, or if you use a podcast aggregator, add this link:
Otherwise, you can just download!
Beastie Boys - Shazam (B.Ultra&Basic Funklab remix)


Fun at Target!

First off, a little Parking Lot etiquette: Having a dirty rear window gives people permission to write whatever they want on it. I usually don't indulge in this, but sometimes, inspiration hits.
This is the Options Screen at Target's Kodak counter. It's the place that lets you take digital pictures and print them out. I always thought it'd be fun to try to hack into one, but I never thought it'd be this easy. Check it!
At the bottom of this screen, there's a button that says "Setup." Click it!
Oh noes! The security in this area is tight! BUT WAIT WE HAVE SOME CLUEZ!
That's right! I just got me some toiletries! Hmm. Now I'd say it's a safe bet that Target just uses the store number as the password. And I also assume that the store number is on the receipt. Nowhere on the receipt is there a store number that is clearly labeled as such, but the REC# probably delineates what store the receipt comes from. Starting from the left and working to the right, I try the four digit groupings separately. I try "9248" ...no dice. "2478" ...
BLAHDOW. We're totally h4x0rz now. I don't take any responsibility for what you do with this information, OR what I've done. Learn how to random numbers Target.


ToS? Does that stand for Too Overly Sexy?!

So I've been using work for internets, great idea except that when you quit your work, you also give up things that you've been stealing from work. This is where my genius kicks in.
I recently gave up Verizon for T-Mobilezz because I could have a ridiculously cool phone and pay less monthly. At the time, I knew that T-Mobile did not allow users to tether their phone to their computers and use the 3G connection for internet. However, when my no internet situation kicked in, I thought "SURELY THERE IS A WAY TO FOOL TMOBILE."
And sure enough, there are plenty.
I settled for a program called PDANet, which lets you connect your phone via USB and use it as a modem. So far connection speeds have been pretty decent (100kb/sec downloads) but the connection has also been pretty unstable (kicking me off about once per hour or two).
But the end result? YAY FREE (or expensive depending on how you look at it) INTERNETS!

Emancipation Proclomation

Monday Morning 8:15 AM

Boss Via Text Message: Work started 15 minutes ago
Me Via Text Message: I quit.

Could a day go any better?

PS- If you know of any sweet job openings, PLZ TELL ME


Boy have I got a lot to blog about....

...but for now I hope you can settle with some entertainment!


The Tower...

Reaches it's zenith as it touches upon the hem of God's robes.
And as the earth buckles underneath, and the people raise their voices in awe and lamentation, the wind ceases, and clouds form a procession around the spire, as a snake biting its tail.



I know I said I was busy doing important things, and couldn't blog too often, but really I've just been lazy.

That being said, I've become obsessed with FMyLife.com, a site where people post reasons why their life is worse than mine. Needless to say, it makes me feel a lot better.

I recently signed up to moderate incoming FML posts, because they only display ones that get enough votes. I've seen a few pretty hilarious ones, most of them being misspelled, and horrible, like this one:
  • "This guy, was about to fingure me when he stops and ask me where is the whole. FML"



A quick note:

While I may be too busy (or boring) to post often as of late, I do have enough boredom and free time to perform routine maintenance on my blog.

I.E. Do this:
  1. Scroll to the bottom.
  2. Check out what T-Rex says.
  3. Refresh page.
  4. Repeat.


Yard Sale Madness!

Went yard sale crazy Saturday, here's a list of treasures:
  1. Voice Recorder ($0.50) - One of those little tape recorders that use those cute little tiny tapes.
  2. Sony Reel to Reel Tape Deck ($4.00) - Probably broken, but for Four Bucks I figured I'd be dumb NOT to buy it!
  3. Egyptian Dollar Store figures ($5.00) - A bunch of cheesy Egyptian statues, worst deal ever, but I totally needed them.
  4. Some Ventures Records ($1.00) - Haven't really listened to them yet, one live record, one studio. Might be awesome?
  5. SEGA CD + Accessories ($5.00!) - Holy crap! Best yard sale purchase of the millennium. It came with all the cables, two controllers, 5 games and it's all functional and awesome.
So of course as soon as I get it, I run to the videogame store and score me some discs, including one "Sylpheed," which is kind of like if Starfox met Gradius, except awesome.
As my jealous, jealous friend Alan pointed out, it doesn't look like the Sega CD's we're used to (bottom left) and that is because it is a previous model (bottom right).



^^^A VERY Badass Plugin^^^
I try not to blatantly advertise things much, which includes wearing tacky clothes with huge designer labels across my chest, bumper stickers that tell people what to do and who to like, posting ads on my blog telling people what plugins to buy, etc. etc.
However, this is a GREAT opportunity to get an amazing plugin for a RIDICULOUS price!
A description from AudioMidi:


PSP Nitro is the ultimate multimode filter plug-in. It offers many filter types derived from analog prototypes in addition to other useful processing blocks such as phaser, bit-crusher/downsampler, waveshaper and interpolated delay blocks. These can be connected to each other using virtually any routing scheme. The advanced control signal generators are capable of modulating most of the processing parameters, making this plug-in an essential tool for sound design and experimental purposes.


  • 4 sound processing operators
  • A wide variety of filters and other effects
  • Extreme internal routing flexibility
  • Two LFOs with advanced sync possibilities
  • Envelope detector with adaptive mode and ADSR generator
  • Virtual cables for connecting modulation sources to processing parameters
  • Advanced MIDI control
  • Library of presets
All I really know is that when I'm making a really gritty distorted bassline, and I throw in a PSP Nitro and use the Highpass filter mode, it TEARS A F*CKING HOLE INTO THE UNIVERSE.
That being said, the one drawback I notice a lot is that this plugin is a SERIOUS CPU hog, so I guess it's nice that they include 4 Operators on the plugin, so you don't have to set your computer on fire by running 4 instances on the same insert channel.

Anyways, here's the link to the sale, a FREAKING $135 plugin - ONLY TEN DOLLARS.

MEGASALE on PSP Nitro Via AudioMidi.com

The sale runs til August 9th, so freaking buy it now dummy!


Bored at work - Dream Illustration

Doodlin' Just for kicks, here's the first half of a dream I had last night. I got bored and impatient doing the second two pages, so the quality drops off pretty REALLY hard...live with it? Click for Full Size! I dunno why I did them on cardboard. Seemed like a good idea at the time.


Leave a Message

After the Beep!

I'll probably be pretty off and on over the next few months, because I've FINALLY started working on my long-planned, highly-awaited, often-put-off graphic novel!

I started on it the other day, and am just one page 2, so I expect to be pretty busy with it.

Here's a little preview, sorry for the bad quality (of the image, I won't apologize for the lack of artistic merit...EVER):


I don't really have the words to express how awesome this is.

Thank you Alan for showing me this, I had no idea you were down with such amazing tunes.

This video is best expressed by some youtube user:

ocfloydian (20 hours ago):



Dear David Icke,

Please help. Pretty sure my boss' wive is a lizard people.


PS - Not even joking.



I'm sick of people acting like it's SO GROSS that I drink Diet Coke!And the reason why is THIS:
Whenever I go out with someone to eat, they get all grossed out and yell and scream and cry when I order a Diet Coke. Which is fine, they're probably going to eat something totally gross like fish, so we're even.
But the kicker is when they get Regular Coke, and when the wai(ter/tress) brings us the sodas, most of the time my dinner company will take a sip of their drink and go "Is this Diet?"


Geez Louise!

I can't stand it when people go overboard about smells and/or noise!
Sure, I can understand a hardy "It smells like sweaty dog crap in here!" or a "Boy that fan makes an obnoxious amount of noise!"
Like when people smell a trash can and they say something like:
"Oh my God, this trash NEEDS to go out, it's making me nauseous. Can you smell that? I need to lay down! I'm getting a headache from that smell!"

I'd like to think that the limits of human endurance go a LITTLE BIT FARTHER than smelling some trash.

Sometimes my boss makes me turn off the A.C. because the noise bothers her too much.

Are you kidding me? It's like 85 degrees in here. Between sweating until you slosh around when you walk and having things a little more quiet, you choose the nasty, smelly choice? WHAT THE HELL?!

Get over it people. Learn how to live with EXTREMELY MINOR offenses.


Ahh...the Almighty Silver Lining Post.

You know how people always tell you to look for the silver lining in every dark cloud? That's absurd. If something sucks, 98% of the time it just SUCKS. There's no hope or glass half full type crap in it at all.
Recently there have been lots of LLLAAAAMMMEEE things that have actually turned out aight for me.

First off, the new guy quit the other day. He was ok, but the best part was that I didn't have to train him pretty much AT ALL. He just knew how the printer worked. So now that he's gone I'll probably have to run deliveries AND run print production alone, which is going to suck PRETTY HARD.
But like I said, there's some silver lining!
Back when it was Mr. E, Mr. Z and me, we all took a pay cut so that we could hire Ms. H. Wow. Working three years, my pay had gone up 15 cents, then 20 cents, and then negative 135 cents. HOWEVER, now that the new guy is gone and sales are up a little, so if I can't get a raise NOW, then I probably never will. So that's nice.

Second, my computer is pretty much busted. I can't open half of the apps I need to, including the one I pretty much OWN a computer for. I'd reinstall Windows (again) but it really didn't help that much last time. PLUS Toshiba's drivers are SO insidiously f*cked that if I had to reinstall windows, I'd probably want to use the recovery disk, which -not only contains a horribly weighty Vista install- but is also totally lost.
BUT WAIT! Here's some good news! I've been making more music on my gameboy than I had ever made before. No more 15 second loops for me. I'm working on an entire dubstep mix that's already topping out at 6 minutes, and I'm aiming at 15. Hopefully more on that later!

Third, I think the cute lifeguard has moved away from our swimming pool. Not only was she cute to look at, but she was pretty charming as well, and also not an extreme stereotype of "lifeguard-chick." It's not that big of a deal really, I was just looking for a third thing to list here, and all the other Sh*tty things happening in my life right now have absolutely no benifits...
..but the benifit here is that I can be as FAT AND OBNOXIOUS at the pool as I want to be!

Actually, after writing these things out, silver linings still feel like a rip off.

^^^Might as well be empty^^^

PS - Finally some good news!

I'm currently downloading a dubstep compilation which has one of the best covers I've ever seen:

Is that Cid from Final Fantasy VII lighting up and listening to Dubstep?


So FLStudio just released Version 8.5BetaRC4, which seems to be working, so maybe a reinstall of Windows would have been a little bit hasty. Also that Dubfluence mix was AWESOME.


Fun with the company jabber!

Back when Mr.E and Mr.Z worked at DTS, we would have some fun with the company's instant messenger service.
Mr.Z would always write something, usually profane, to the owner, and then I would reach over and act like I was going to hit enter before he could delete it all.
I got him on one of the more surreal messages:

But my finest work was far more malicious. For this prank, I simply wrote my own message, and then hit "Return" until the cursor was below my message, and then scrolled down so my message was out of view. Then Mr.E unknowingly sent my jest, along with his innocent "ok.":

Anywayz, just thought those were kinda funny.
Later...james taylor


Hobo Crust Punks, Go Home - Your Parents Miss You...

...and the rest of us won't.

So here's the deal with Crust Punk kids.
Some people just can't deal with capitalism. It's a proven fact. They can't adjust to a life where you work, and then you get paid. Instead, they decide to forgo a college education paid for by their parents who live in Northern Virginia, and live on the streets. By live on the streets, I mean stay in apartments either paid for by their parents or by their friends' parents, depending on how deep they are in crust punk culture. They prefer a system of government and economy where everyone works and gets paid, and then gives their money to you. They call this communism, because there is a large amount of communication involved in the process, more precisely; cardboard signs that say things like "Traveling. Hungry."
True Story: Once, my ex and I were taking a stroll in Carytown. As is common in that part of town, we saw several crust punxxxx sitting on the sidewalk and asking people with jobs for money. They asked us, and I said "Nope." My ex gave them a buck or two, and I preceded to tell her how insane it is to enable these kids. I probably said a lot more, too, because she told me how horrible of a person I am, insensitive, sociopathic, all that jive. Whatever, those kids are idiots and I have a job and make my own bank (for the most part, thanks granny). After hours of getting the cold shoulder, we return to my car. Passing the music store, we peer inside and OF COURSE we see one of those poor, homeless kids, buying a stack of CDs, presumably with the money my lady friend gave them (there is an equal chance they were using one of their credit cards that daddy pays off every month, it isn't easy eating vegan when you're homeless you know). I felt so vindicated. Sweet, sweet vindication.



I am a very sickly boy. In the past two weeks I've had AWFUL "stomache issues" (I'll spare you the details), the flu (for the second time this year), a sinus infection (also #2 for the year) and now I've lost my voice. There has to be something causing all of this, and I've narrowed it down to three possible culprits.

When I was younger, I had absolutely no problem with allergies. I could go outside and rub flower wang all over my face and be totally legit. Nowadays my eyes tear up, I start sneezing uncontrollably (instead of controllable sneezing, a project I've been working on), and snot just flies out of my face in extreme amounts. For some reason, the plants in town are WEAPONIZING themselves to protect themselves from me.
So I think that having my entire system flooded with tree skeet has been really contributing to my illnesses. Why wouldn't it? It's totally gross, and my mind tells my face that my body wouldn't like it. So to counteract all these horrible effects, I've decided to NEVER GO OUTSIDE AGAIN. Problem one solved.

So here's my viewpoint on insurance. F-CK Insurance. It's the worst investment ever (proven fact) and if you feel differently, I'd like you to add up all the money you've spent on insurance for your entire life, and then add up all the bills that insurance paid. Now, unless you're a special case and have incurable diseases and totally depend on insurance, you're probably looking at the first number you wrote down and you're crying...HARD. Who could blame you? You've spent so much dough betting on yourself getting hurt. That being said, this year I gave up my health insurance, and this year I've had the flu twice. That just doesn't happen. There's some cosmic force that wants me dead.
So how do I tackle this issue? I don't. I enjoy the savings too much. $$

Dammit. Three weeks ago I called in sick for two or three days. I wasn't sick. I was sitting in the living room, dressed for work, keys in hand, and I just couldn't get up. Ten minutes went by, I figured I'd just be a little late. Then ten more went by, I just thought I'd show up half an hour late. Ten more, I called in and said I had another sinus infection. The next few days were awesome. I did whatever I wanted all day, and it was totally worth it.
I went back to work for a few days, and it was the weekend already. What a blast.
Then late Sunday evening my stomach starts to growl. [insert disgusting details of an entire evening spent in the bathroom]
Clearly karma had it in for me.
Monday I go back to work, even if I am taking bathroom breaks every ten minutes, and tough it out. No sleep monday night either. Tuesday the same old thing. I eventually get better and work through the week. Next Sunday, my sinus' are driving me insane and I get dizzy. Another flu. I work up a fever and can hardly think straight. All weekend I watch "My Name Is Earl" (speaking of karma), I get through three seasons like nothing because all I can do is sit and let snot pour out of my face. Finally this week I'm getting over all the flu symptoms, although my throat still feels scratchy. Karma really f-ed me over.
So what can I do to please it? Screw karma, because I WENT to work when I was sick, TWO WEEKS IN A ROW. Plus I didn't even get to use sick time for that first non-sick week, so it shouldn't have even counted against me in the first place! I hate you karma.


Infernal Dialog

So as my last post may denote, I am totally insane and have an overly active internal dialog going on at all times. After posting the stapler bit, it reminded me of a few bets I've made with myself. Here's a few of them:
  • A bet to see how long I could go with only bread and water (lasted one week)
  • A bet to see how long I could go without a cheeseburger (laster two months)
  • A bet to see how many faces I could see in foliage, that I could then make into faces of dogs (lasted about 8 years)
  • A bet to see how many burgers I could eat in one sitting (eight)
So as you can see, I'm addicted to gambling?


Holy Crap.

So I'm working, stacking papers, and I need to staple about 80 sheets together. What a perfect time to test out our new 100 PAGE STAPLER!
I get everything ready, and I grab hold of the brand spanking new stapler. CRUNCH. Wait, no staple. A new (unfolded) staple comes out of the stapler. Hmmm. Must be a fluke. I'll punch another one through. BAM. Now there's just a new staple sitting on top of the paper, didn't even break through the binding strip.
This is when the bad ideas start to happen. I start pondering:
"This thing is just shooting out staples. It's not punching them through anything."
"I bet if I stuck one sheet of paper in there it wouldn't even puncture it."
"To hell with paper! I bet I could stick my finger in there and be totally safe."
"Shoot. If I don't stick my finger in I'm a pussy."
"...I better staple my finger."
So in a moment of utmost clairvoyance, I place my left index finger into the stapler and start to slowly push down on the handle. Nothing. I go all the way down and feel a slight pinch.
"At least it's trying..."
I pull the handle back up and look at my finger. I see a staple - a 100 page staple - totally penetrating my finger.
HOLY CRAP. I don't believe what I'm seeing. There is a staple, roughly half an inch, embedded in my pink flesh. Hey the stapler works!
I pull out the staple, which hurts a lot more than putting it in, and my finger starts oozing blood. I run to the bathroom and put some neosporin on a band-aid and wash my finger off. Once bandaged, I go back out and test the stapler again.

Apparently this stapler just works on people?