WHY AM I SICK?!

I am a very sickly boy. In the past two weeks I've had AWFUL "stomache issues" (I'll spare you the details), the flu (for the second time this year), a sinus infection (also #2 for the year) and now I've lost my voice. There has to be something causing all of this, and I've narrowed it down to three possible culprits.

NUMBER ONE : ALLERGIES
When I was younger, I had absolutely no problem with allergies. I could go outside and rub flower wang all over my face and be totally legit. Nowadays my eyes tear up, I start sneezing uncontrollably (instead of controllable sneezing, a project I've been working on), and snot just flies out of my face in extreme amounts. For some reason, the plants in town are WEAPONIZING themselves to protect themselves from me.
So I think that having my entire system flooded with tree skeet has been really contributing to my illnesses. Why wouldn't it? It's totally gross, and my mind tells my face that my body wouldn't like it. So to counteract all these horrible effects, I've decided to NEVER GO OUTSIDE AGAIN. Problem one solved.

NUMBER TWO : IRONY
So here's my viewpoint on insurance. F-CK Insurance. It's the worst investment ever (proven fact) and if you feel differently, I'd like you to add up all the money you've spent on insurance for your entire life, and then add up all the bills that insurance paid. Now, unless you're a special case and have incurable diseases and totally depend on insurance, you're probably looking at the first number you wrote down and you're crying...HARD. Who could blame you? You've spent so much dough betting on yourself getting hurt. That being said, this year I gave up my health insurance, and this year I've had the flu twice. That just doesn't happen. There's some cosmic force that wants me dead.
So how do I tackle this issue? I don't. I enjoy the savings too much. $$

NUMBER THREE : KARMA
Dammit. Three weeks ago I called in sick for two or three days. I wasn't sick. I was sitting in the living room, dressed for work, keys in hand, and I just couldn't get up. Ten minutes went by, I figured I'd just be a little late. Then ten more went by, I just thought I'd show up half an hour late. Ten more, I called in and said I had another sinus infection. The next few days were awesome. I did whatever I wanted all day, and it was totally worth it.
I went back to work for a few days, and it was the weekend already. What a blast.
Then late Sunday evening my stomach starts to growl. [insert disgusting details of an entire evening spent in the bathroom]
Clearly karma had it in for me.
Monday I go back to work, even if I am taking bathroom breaks every ten minutes, and tough it out. No sleep monday night either. Tuesday the same old thing. I eventually get better and work through the week. Next Sunday, my sinus' are driving me insane and I get dizzy. Another flu. I work up a fever and can hardly think straight. All weekend I watch "My Name Is Earl" (speaking of karma), I get through three seasons like nothing because all I can do is sit and let snot pour out of my face. Finally this week I'm getting over all the flu symptoms, although my throat still feels scratchy. Karma really f-ed me over.
So what can I do to please it? Screw karma, because I WENT to work when I was sick, TWO WEEKS IN A ROW. Plus I didn't even get to use sick time for that first non-sick week, so it shouldn't have even counted against me in the first place! I hate you karma.