...I've been trained to make beats that would make a billy goat puke.


The Bard's Quest

Chapter One: The Dark Ages
Our story begins but one year ago, when I purchased a quick black steed. This chariot of pure awesome was a super badass hatchback with unlimited potential for speeding tickets. I was so psyched, there was even a button to push to make the lights go BSSHHH up and SHHHHB down. They called it a Nissan 240 SX, I called it the Batmobile.
Love was afoot in Richmond. What a freakin awesome car. But hark! DISASTER. The speakers were totally f'ed in the a. They would only work if the windows were down, and even then it was up to chance. What a jerk car.
Chapter Two: Exodus
I was going on a long road trip, so I figured the car should be in awesome shape. I got the oil changed and put some air in the tires, but most importantly (since it was the summer), I had the A/C fixed. I set out on my journey and behold! Vexed am I to realize the dilemma: If I turn the A/C on (mandatory for summer trips), I need to roll up the windows, yet if I do this, the tunes (also mandatory for summer trips) will cease. Surely the gods had set a curse upon my journey from the start!
Chapter Three: The Abyss
Then came fall and winter, the coldest (fact) seasons all year. I could weather the cold on occasion, but even when I would roll the windows down, rarely would the speakers work. Entropy had set foot into my stereo and had sabotaged my joy of listening.
With the situation growing worse, I would regularly go without music. Sometimes I would resort to singing in the car, usually horribly, usually way, WAY too loud. My car, my beautiful sexy car, had become a coffin, where hopes and dreams were laid to rest.
Chapter Four: Resurrection
Of course I could not stand by and let myself fall into insanity. I finally sprang into action! Buying a soldering iron and some electrical tape from Radio Shack, I head home to repair the silenced cones that once were fountains of ethereal vibrations.
I've always known I was horrible at soldering. This fact was revealed to me years ago in college when I attempted to make my own patch bay. After several years, I'm no better. Trying to affix the speaker wire to the speaker, I somehow managed to burn myself with the iron like eight times. My mind just doesn't register "don't grab the metal burny part of the soldering iron."
Giving up on the soldering, I instead strip the wire that had been oxidized by the speaker's magnetic driver (yes I am making all of this up), reattach it to freshly cleaned connecty things, and rewired the speakers to the car, being very liberal with the use of electrical tape.

VICTORY! I am now able to listen to music at any volume with windows up, down, halfway, etc.!
I am so psyched now. Plus I totally accomplished something. Take that entropy, vile as you are, you will never crush my spirit!

1 comment:

  1. hA Ha. it's nice to know the whole story... especially since it ended in complete success. ewwww. especially since i'm partly to blame for you driving the batmobile... he he. I really didn't realize you went through all that crap...

    OH now that I think about it, You should have gotten this guy I know named Brain to help you out with the soldering...